The Very Venture Storybook
by future bra
Summary: A series of oneshots told on the key of Venture. Very first Venture Bros fic on FFnet!
1. Belly of the Beast

The Very Venture Story Book

_Dr. Orpheus: Behold! This could quite possibly be the very first VENTURE BROS. Fan-fiction! Inside its digital pages you will find several little one-shots based off the exploits of the brothers of Venture._

_Monarch: You are such a freak._

_FB (author): Um…thanks for the intro. Okay, I don't own the Venture Bros., a bunch of other people do. So don't come after me. (does 'I'm Not Worthy Bow' to large stature of Doug Lovelace_)

* * *

**Chapter 1 – Belly of the Beast  
**_Takes place after 'Return to Spider Skull Island' _

"So, have you done any of the tasks I left for you?" The Monarch, the Supreme Arch Enemy of Dr. Thadius 'Rusty" Venture, said into the phone on his side of the glass. Two of his minions sat facing him looking rather nervous. Prison life wasn't too bad, but he hated the orange jumpsuit.

"Um…we did a few things. We cleaned out the cocoon and left the burning bag of dog poop on Phantom Limb's doorstep. But I think he saw us," the tubby minion said.

"And did you…see…her?" Monarch asked, his voice dropping from its usual menacing 'Die Venture' to intense sadness. The minions shook their heads, knowing of whom their leader spoke of.

"No. We didn't see Dr…"

"Stop! Don't say her name! Never say her name!" Monarch ranted while clawing at his heart. He slumped over in his chair and rested his head in his hands. "Look at me! Here I sit, rotting in this…the…belly of the beast, using profanity uncontrollably like its second-fucking-nature. See! These stupid jumpsuits are chafing me. I check last night and I officially not longer have pubes. They've been rubbed off!"

"That sounds…horrible sir," the other gaunt minion said.

"It is horrible! I'm stuck here while she's out there! Out there with Phantom Limb doing who knows what! Why did she leave me? Why?" Monarch moaned and slumped even lower in his chair. After a second, he leapt forward with his hands and face pressed against the glass. "It's her fault I'm here. If she had just told the truth, I would be at home sitting on my throne and watching the torture of Dr. Venture.

"But noooo, she had to run off with Phantom Limb and set me up. I bet Limb even placed that false vision in that weirdo shaman guy's head to get me out of the way. I can just picture her now, wearing that sluttish outfit. She's too damn good for him!" he ranted. By now, he had the attention of everyone in the room. The minion's slouched slightly in their chairs out of embarrassment. After a few minutes of mumbling, the Monarch finally calmed down.

"Well, enough about me. Is there anything else to report?"

"We also did something else on your list, but well…" the tubby one trailed off.

"Well, what? Spit it out!"

"We…ah…killed the Venture Brothers," the gaunt one said.

"Oh, killed the Venture…" Monarch trailed off as the reality of what was said sunk in. "YOU WHAT!" he screamed. The two minions cowered in fear as the Monarch pressed himself against the glass.

"It was an accident. We didn't realize it was them."

"How in the hell could you know recognize them! Did you not get my message about not killing them?" he yelled.

"Um…it happened on the way back to the cocoon, but the message was the machine when we got there," the tubby one said.

"You idiots! That was over a week ago and your just now telling me! That's it, go away! I can't deal with your incompetence any longer. You're lucky I can't reach you to kill you!" he screamed. The minions ducked down so low that the Monarch could only see them from their eyes up.

"But sir, that s not all!" the tubby one said. Monarch looked at him in disbelief and sat back down in his chair.

"There's more?" he asked in a dry voice.

"Well, I think they turned into zombies or something because we saw them two days ago with that scary Brock Samson. They didn't even have a scratch on them," the gaunt one said getting back in his chair. Monarch regarded them for a moment and then let out an irritated sigh.

"Zombies that have healed? For God's sake, haven't you ever watched Night of the Living Dead?" he exclaimed and then slapped himself in the head when they shook their heads no. "Do you even know what a zombie…oh never mind. Obviously, Dr. Venture made clones of them, but that doesn't matter. Keep an eye on all of the Venture's movements and keep me informed."

"Does that include Samson," the gaunt one asked stupidly.

"Yes that includes Samson. Now go!" he said while rolling his eyes. After watching them go, he shook his head sadly. "A villain can never find good help these days."


	2. Sacred Bond of Lab Partners

_Monarch: Hey, what the hell happened to me?_

_FB (author): What do you mean?_

_Monarch: You just leave me in prison? There's no great, dramatic escape worthy of THE DEADLY MONARCH BUTERFLY?(franticly waving arms around)_

_FB (author): Umm…(flips through some notes)…nope._

_Monarch: How dare you! You shall feel the sting of the MONARCH!_

_FB (author): I wasn't aware that monarch's could sting._

_Dr. Orpheus: Do not fret. I have here in my possession a Home Boy, much like the one I used to entrap the souls of two pesky rednecks. If you wish, I can deal with…(points toward Monarch)…he who adorns himself in a child's costume._

_FB (author): That won't be necessary. I'll just get Brock. Anyway, I don't own the Venture Bros., a bunch of other people do. So don't come after me. (does 'I'm Not Worthy Bow' to large statue of Doug Lovelace)_

_Dean and Hank: (appearing out of nowhere) Go Team Venture_!

_Monarch, FB, & Dr. Orpheus: WTF?_

**Chapter 2– Sacred Bond of Lab Partners  
**_Goes along with either Home Insecurity or Past Tense._

_Spring, Mid to Late 1970s _

The room was quiet, almost too quiet. Brock had been gone for a few days. T.S. almost missed the steady stream of girls coming in and out of the room. He himself had just returned from his father's funeral and was relieved to get away from the member of Team Venture. They had spent their time buzzing around him and going on about what a great man his father had been.

'_Great man my ass,'_ he thought. _'They weren't the ones testing the rides for Brisby Land.'_

However, coming back to school seemed to heap more stress on him. He had a lab experiment in a few hours and was in desperate need of sleep. Although, sleep would have come a bit easier if he hadn't taken those pills, but there wasn't anything he could do about that now. Eventually he drifted off. His dreams were uneventful until the odd reoccurring nightmare came.

_His eyes opened to find everything around him a strange liquidly pink color. He felt that he was floating…yet tethered to an immovable object. He felt no desire to move about, just continue to float in his domain. He closed his eyes in peace. Suddenly, something bumped into him. Shock and anger race through him. How dare someone enter his space! He would share with no one. _

_The object moved around him and he suddenly felt pain. His eyes shot open and he looked behind him to see someone attempting to take a bit out of his backside. He freed himself and moved to retaliate and drive the intruder from his home when a new sensation stuck him. He looked at the offender and felt a strange sensation in his stomach. He opened his mouth and began to move forward…_

"_Sir…" came an eerie voice. He paused a minute, looked about, and then continued on. "Sir…please…"_

"_What the hell?" he said with his mouth full of delicious meat._

T.S.'s eyes opened and he was startled to find a rather large portion of his pillow in his mouth. He tugged it out of his mouth. He then took a deep breath and rolled over to get out of bed. As soon as he rolled over, he was face to face with a strange man.

"Holy Jesus!" he screamed and launched himself backwards across the bed and against the wall. Underbheit's freakish manservant stared at him with an unreadable expression on his face. T.S. attempted to regain his composure and managed a weak glare.

"The master is waiting for you," Manservant said in a quiet voice. "I will wait for you outside." He then left the room, leaving T.S. alone to get dressed. T.S. shook his head in an attempt to wake up and then went about getting dressed. Once he managed to get that accomplished, he hesitantly made his way toward the door.

'_Man, I just can't seem to wake up. I can't work like this. I need something to get me pepped up,'_ he thought. He glanced over by his bed and saw the bottle of pills he used last night. _'Bingo! Those will do the trick.'_ He grabbed the bottle and shook out three pills.

'_Hmm…three or four…oh what the hell,'_ he quickly downed the contents of the bottle, walked out the door and down the hall.

* * *

_Several minutes later…_

"Ahh…T.S.…I hope that you studied over the notes for the lab while you were gone. Even though I am aware of your loss, I still expect nothing but best from my lab partners," Unterbheit stated proudly as T.S. literally floated over to the table. "In my country," he prattled on completely oblivious to T.S.'s condition, " the bond between lab partners is sacred. They must look out for one another, under penalty of death." T.S., who by this point was swaying around on his feet with a blissful grin on his face, grasped him in a hug.

"I'm so glad that you're my lab partner," he said in a slurred but cheerful voice, then attempted to give him a kiss. Underbheit cocked an eyebrow and inched away from him.

"Well, let us begin," he said quickly and began to pour out chemicals. T.S. watched with fascination as Underbheit worked. After several minutes, he paused and pulled out his notes. He looked over to T.S. to find that he had fallen asleep. "T.S., wake up. I need some help."

"Huh?" T.S. blearily lifter his head up and there was a good amount of drool suspended from his mouth. Underbheit was holding two flasks of liquid; one was red and the other was a greenish-yellow.

"I didn't take notes on this part. Do we mix these two chemicals together?" he asked with confusion in his voice. T.S. squinted at the two chemicals for a second and then scratched his head. Something behind Underbheit caught his eye.

'_What's going on?'_ he thought as he watched two small green monster-looking things fly around his lab partner's head. One began tugging on his hair while the other began humping the side of his head. T.S. found it strange that Underbheit didn't seem to be bothered by the two little beasts.

'_They must be from his country or something,'_ he thought. Underbheit, who was talking to him, suddenly brought him out of his thoughts.

"Well, do I mix it or not?" he asked.

"Yeah…its perfectly safe," T.S. replied with his drug induced grin firmly in place. "Trust me …"

* * *

_Later that evening…_

The most of the fire trucks and police cars had left an hour ago, but there were many flashing lights outside. A small section of the lab building was still burning and probably would be for several days more.

"…The young exchange student,Verner von Underbhiet, was removed from critical condition just a few hours ago and is recovering. Underbheit is the heir of Underland. Authorities say that the cause of the explosion is still being investigated, but initial reports say that its was caused by a chemical reaction in the lab.

"We have been told that Thaddeus Venture, son of the late Dr. Jonas Venture, was also present in the lab with him at the time. He was unharmed in the explosion but has no recollection of what happened. In other news, the new Brisby Land is set to open in…" Peter turned off the television on his side of the dorm and look over at T.S. who was sitting on the bed and gaping at the t.v.

"So, you don't remember anything that happened?" Mike asked as he entered the room. T.S. shook his head. "Well, I'm sure it will come back to you in time. I heard his dad flew in and was convinced that it was some sort of assassination attempt"

"The news said earlier that the explosion was almost directly in front of his face. They said he got really messed up. " Peter said, leaning against the wall. T.S. sighed and flopped backward on his bed.

"I guess this means he won't want to play Dungeons and Dragons with us anymore," T.S. said. Just then, there was a knock on the door and a slip of paper appeared at the bottom of it. Peter went over and picked it up and after a second he made a sound.

"Hey T.S., I think you might be right," he said. T.S. sat up and was handed the paper.

"Oh God…" he muttered as he read the sentence on it. 'An eye for an eye…a lower jaw for a lower jaw' was all it said.

**

* * *

****Authors Note:**

In case you haven't already guessed, this was my take on how Baron Underbheit's lost his lower jaw and became enemies with Dr. Venture. I have no idea exactly how old Dr. Venture is so I approximated. I can only pray that one day this subject is approached in a future episode so that I may see how close I got it.

I hope the end is okay. I had a hard coming up with what to put on the note. I also have to thank the Mantis-Eye Experiment for having such good episode summaries. I had forgotten that Dr. Venture went by the name of T.S.

Also, this ended up being 5 pages in MS word!

**Reviews:**

Curt: I have to agree with you on that one. Originally, when I first wrote the chapter, I thought Dr. Venture had said, "Alright…get their clones." I wasn't alone in this because my beta readers thought this as well. Then, several days later, Mantis-Eye Experiment put up the transcript, which confirmed that he really said "Alright…get their clothes." After going back and reading it again, I decided to go ahead and leave it as it was mainly because Monarch's minions are stupid and who knows…maybe in season two they really will be clones.

TV's Bialy: I haven't been able to find any other VB stories. If you run across them again, let me and I'll keep a running list until there is a VB section.

Rod G and CerisaTempest: I'm glad you enjoyed the first story.


	3. Opps He did it again

FB (author): Okay...so its been about two years since I last messed with this. This is the fist I've been able to sit down and work on any of my fan fictions...so bear with me, I'm a little..'Rusty' (ha, ha..ehh...see what I mean).

Monarch: Your no better that Dr. Girl...that woman!!!!

FB (author): ...huh??

Monarch: (stands and points) You left me! You didn't even give a reason!

FB (author): Um...I've had very important things going on in my life recently. I was working. I got injured in a car accident, and I got married back in April. I've been busy...give me a break!

Monarch: (franticly waves arms around) Busy doing him! (points at FB's husband who ducks behind her)

FB (author): Thats it! Your not going to be in the story this time around! This tale is going to be about...um...the boys.

Monarch: NOOOOOOOO!

* * *

**Chapter 3: Opps...He did it again!  
**Goes with Powerless in the Face of Death

The smell of moth balls permeated the room as Hank sat frozen in front of the television set. Dean and Brock sat a good ways from him, in a vain attempt to escape the smell.

"Hey, Hank...if your going to wear the...ah...Batman costume, at least wash it first. It smells," Brock said narrowing his eyes at the teen. It was never a good sign when that costume came out of the storage closet. It was bad enough he had spent the last six hours watching the newest Batman movie. now with the donning of the costume...Brock could only image what was going to take place in the near future.

"Yeah...you smell like an old person," Dean said, holding his nose in disgust. If Hank heard them, he gave no indication. He continued to stare at the television. Brock glanced over at Dean.

"Dean, help me keep an eye on your brother tonight...okay," he said.

"Why?"

"Just make sure he doesn't do anything stupid," Brock said as he got up and left the room in search of Dr. Venture. Dean watched Brock leave the room and then looked back over at his brother. An idea came to him and he inched his way towards him...trying not to breath in. Once he got as close as he dared, he shoved him.

"Batman sucks!" he yelled as Hank toppled over. Dean jumped up getting ready for an attack that never came. Hank slowly got off the floor, his face unreadable under the mask.

"I am the Bat," he said in a cold, monotone voice. He then quickly walked out of the room. Dean blinked and then ran out of the room going in the opposite direction.

"Brock...Hank is acting crazy!"

* * *

_Meanwhile..._

"Oh for the love of God...why wasn't that thing burned or sold in the yard sale?" Dr. Venture complained upon hearing Brock's warning. "I'm sure one of the Monarch's henchmen would have loved it. It looks better than those ridiculous outfits they wear."

"Yeah...but Doc, don't you think we should...ah...keep an eye on him?" Brock asked glancing out the window to make sure Hank wasn't running around outside. Thadeus shrugged his shoulders and let out a chuckle.

"What do you possibly think he'll...", he suddenly trailed off as a sudden thought occurred to him. Just then, Dean came running into the room, panting for breath.

"Hank...Bat...crazy...", he said before he collapsed on the floor. The two adults looked at each other and hurried out of the room.

* * *

_'Utility belt...check,' _Hank thought as he fingered the dress belt that now adorned his waist. he open the door to his 'utility storage closet' and retrieved his new 'gadget'. He glanced down at he object he now held in his hand. _ 'Grappling hook...check.' _It was about this time that HELPeR came upon him standing in the hallway. He took in the Batman costume and the umbrella the boy held in his hand. 

"Hello Alfred...I am the Bat," Hank said in the same cold voice he had earlier used and headed off in the direction of the stairway that lead to the roof. HELPeR watched him go and decided on the most logical action open to him: seed off making bleeping sounds and waving his arms around franticly while looking for Dr. Venture and Brock.

* * *

It took several minutes for Thadeus and Brock to calm HELPeR down long enough to figure out where Hank went. They hurried down the hall and out one of the side doors to be greeted with the sight of Hank walking along the roof line. 

"Get down from there this instant young man!" Thadeus yelled, but Hank was too preoccupied with surveying the 'city' to hear him. All the two men could do was watch as Hank opened the umbrella and jumped.

"I am the Bat!" he yelled as he went over the edge. The umbrella folded inside out and the wannabe 'superhero' landed in a heap on the ground.

"Damn it, not again!" Thadeus sighed in agitation. "I'm going to run out of cone slugs if he keeps doing this every other week!" He turned and stomped back inside, irritated that the rest of the day would be spent regrowing the boy.

"Well, at least he got the pose down this time," was all Brock said as he walked over to collect the body and follow the Doctor back inside.

**Author's Note:**

Sorry that I haven't been around in a long time. I got tied up with stuff going on at work. Then I got married this past April (on tax day), then I got hurt in a car accident in October. Due to the injuries, I haven't been able to work. I've only just now been able to move around without hurting.

Anyway, the story is kind of short and lame, but hopefully I'll get back into the flow. I was inspired the flashback scene were Hank jumps off the roof in the Batman outfit. I might try to write one about the werewolf one later. I need to go back and re-watch season two before I write some more. But hey...I can't believe I was dead on with the clone thing. Although...we could kind of see it coming.

So...read and review! I always enjoy the feedback.


	4. Dear Dr Venture :Attempt 1:

Dr. Venture: What the hell kind of chapter formatting is this?

Brock: Ahhh...Doc...I don't think its a good idea to piss off the author.

FB (author): Yes...you may get a return visit from the Krampus.

Dr. Venture: (not listening) And why do you keep putting (author) after FB? After three chapters and 16 reviews, I think they know who you are by now.

FB: ...okay...Krampus it is then!

Dr. Venture: No!!!! (runs aways screaming like a little girl)

words - edit/typo/changed mind  
(_italics_) - thoughts while writing...maybe (she is a bit crazy after all)

* * *

**Chapter 4: Dear Dr. Venture (Attempt #1)**

_Happens between Ice Station Impossible and Twenty Years to Midnight _

Dear Dr. Venture...(_no_)

Dear Thaddeus...(_no...sounds to informal, I don't know him that well. Oh I wish I did. He's such a wonderful man... _)

Dear Dr. Venture,

(_OH MY GOD...where do I start? How do I tell him? What do I tell him?_)

I've missed you so much! (_Okay...good start._) I hope you have thought about me. I know we only met briefly two weeks ago but I feel like I've known you forever...all my life...(_Hmmm...something that's not too clingy_)...a long time. (_Perfect!_) It was the best few hours of my life. Anyway, I am writing to tell you something very important has happened...and I need your help. I really don't know where to begin or how to say it.

(_OH GOD! OH GOD! What if he turns me down? What am I gong to do? I can't raise a child with Richard! He's so cold and uncaring. All he does is hid behind his science. But Dr. Venture...oh wow...there's a man of action! A man full of life. A role model!_)

I guess I'll just come out and say it. You see, I'm having a bundle of joy...heavy with child...(_wait...how could I be 'heavy'...I'm only two months along. Stupid sayings._)...pregnant. It's Richard's...but since your a super smart scientist and all...I'm sure there's something you could do to make it yours.Yes...I wish it was yours. I would be honored if it was yours.

I know that Richard was your teacher once, so I know you are aware of how he...is. He's not a family man...like you. I'm scared for my unborn child. I don't want him growing up around a heartless scientist.

We could raise him together to be a good man. He'd have your two sons to play with. They would be able to look after him. You and I would be so happy together with our little family. I can see us now at Venture Industries...(_I looked it up on the Internet!_)...a playhouse for the children...a white picket fence around the yard...the two of us nice and cozy together at night, possibly adding to our family...

(_AHH! I'm rambling!_)

Please, contact me as soon as you read this. I will be waiting for you to come so we can finally start our life together.

Sincerely,

All my love,

Sally

* * *

_At Venture Industries about a week later..._

Dr, Venture stared in horror at the letter he had just received in the mail. He didn't know what was worse: the fact that every typo and/or change was visible or the fact that Sally wrote down her thoughts as well.

"Ah Doc...maybe you should call her and tell her you don't...feel the same way," Brock said, looking over his shoulder. Dr. Venture turned and looked at his bodyguard as though he were nuts, which, at times, he was...a bit.

"Hell no! Are you mad? That's only going to feed...what eve this is!" he exclaimed shaking the paper. "I'm just going to pretend I didn't get anything from her and hopefully she'll get the hint. Besides, I can't help it the at women are attracted to my...dashing good looks."

"I don't think that will work..." Brock trailed off as Dr. Venture left the room. He sadly shook his head and went about his business, knowing that it was only a matter of time before the next letter came. Then he could sit back and watch the Doc get all worked up over it...which never failed to amuse him.

* * *

**  
Author's Note:**

Well, this one was certainly...different. I plan on doing a few more of these, since it was mentioned as 'letters'.

I wasn't sure exactly how to go about the letter. I didn't want it to be a plain old letter, because that would be boring...so I hope this worked out better. Originally, the edited stuff was indicated by strikeout. I didn't realize till after I already uploaded the chapter that the strikeouts weren't shown.

I was forced to improvise. The first attempt had brackets around the underlined word. That didn't take. So now I'm leaving it as underlined words till I find a way to fix it. I know I have seen stories on here with strikeout words in them before...I just don't know how to get the editor to keep them in there. So, if anyone knows how to do it, or has a good idea for a future "Sally Leter' format, let me know.

Also, I have a poll up on my profile for what story you would like to see next for Venture Story Book. Check it and vote.


	5. Weird Dreams Are Genetic

Monarch: I just have to say that this is more disturbing then the Hank/Batman one.

F.B.: (sweatdrops) You know, I think your right. (grins) But I had fun writing it.

21: I liked the 'Night of the Living Dead' reference. Hey, do you think you could add in something from LOTR?

F.B.: Why?

24: It would be cool.

Monarch: What are you two doing here anyway? And 24...didn't you get blown up at the end of Season 3?

21: 24! Nooooo! (runs off)

F.B.: (cries) I'm gonna miss him. He's up there with Speedy now...watching over us.

24: Wait, if I'm here...does that mean I'm a zombie now like the Venture brats?

Monarch & F.B.: (groans and sweatdrops)

**Chapter 5: Weird Dreams Are Genetic....apparently  
**_Goes with 'Home Is Where the Hate Is'_

_  
__He had been running for so long, he felt as though he was going to pass out at any moment. But he know he had to keep moving, because no place was safe. He would be found by that...that...thing, and then that would be the end of the future 'super scientist' know as Dean Venture._

"What are you running from?"

_The ground began to shake slightly and the object neared his current hiding place; the floorboard of Brock's car. It was off limits to be in the car without Brock, but he didn't have a choice. He need to escape the thing._

"_Dean...." it called to him. The voice getting closer and closer. The shaking was becoming more and more pronounced as it approached the car. He needed to find someplace else to hide._

"Well, what is it? I can't help you if I don't know what it is!"

"_I'm coming to get you Dean." the voice came again. It was so close, he could almost feel it hot, sticky breath...which was kind of odd being that he was in a car and it was outside of said car. _

_'Get a hold of yourself Dean and think!' he though as he tried to calm his panicked mind. As quietly as he could, he raised his head up to peek out the window. He could see the outside of the Venture compound as well as two of 'its' black metal legs._

"_NOOOOOOO!" he cried out in the most non-masculine way he was capable of and flung himself out of the car._

"Metal legs? What could the child be running from?"

"Man, I don't know why I get involved in this [beep]. I'd rather be out killing bla..."

"Shut up already! I want to find out what it is."

"_Dean...you don't deserve to have it. Give me what I want and I'll go away." the voice said as it chased him. Dean suddenly found himself at a dead end with nowhere else to go. He spun a round and faced it...and promptly wet his pants. Before him was a nine, or maybe ten, foot metal spider standing on four metal legs. It's body was a ball with a large red dot in the center._

"_Dean, you will listen to you father! Drop you pants this instant!" the spider-thing yelled as the body suddenly morphed into Dr. Venture's head._

"Ohhhh...now it's getting good. A bit disturbing...but good." The distinctive sound of a face palm was heard in the background while someone muttered about time being wasted with 'fake emergencies'.

"Dean, what does 'it'-er, your father want?"

"_No, I won't give it to you. It's...well...rather attached to me," Dean said as he huddled against the wall. The spider-Thaddeus rolled his eyes and leaned toward the petrified and suddenly very naked boy._

"_And what are you going to do with it? Waste it on that hussy next door? I think not!"_

"_She's not a hussy! I love her!" Dean yelled standing up to the spider-Thaddeus._

"_Well fine then! If you won't willingly give me your penis, then I'll just take it! I'll make sure to put it to good use." Spider-Thaddeus said and moved in for the 'removal'._

"_NOOOOOOOOOO! Not again!!!!"_

####

Dean woke up screaming like a little girl and was clutching his crotch, completely oblivious to the wet spot and those standing around him as he lay on the floor. Everyone was silent, except for Dean of course, as they pondered what they had learned. The Alchemist broke the others silence by breaking out into hysterical laughter.

"Oh boy....that was so messed up it was freaking hilarious," he said as he whipped his eyes with the back of his hand. Dr. Orpheus had a thoughtful look on his face as he pondered the dream while Jefferson looked over at Dr. Venture.

"Your kind is, like, seriously [beeped]ed up in the head. What did you do, feed him crack when he was a baby?" Jefferson asked Venture, who was looking down at his son with an annoyed look on his face.

"I wish. We might not be having this problem if I had," he replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "So, Doctor Orpheus, what does your 'magic' say about this?"

"I don't need magic to answer the obvious, Dr. Venture. Your son has issues with you that need to be resolved," the necromancer said in his usual over dramatic way.

"What, he thinks I'm going to take his penis? Come on...I'm a super scientist. If I ever needed a penis, I can just make one in the lab," Venture said much to the shock and annoyance of the others.

"That really didn't sound right," The Alchemist said rolling his eyes. Suddenly his eyes lit up with an idea. "You can make them in your lab? Do you take orders?"

"Okay...see, that's why I don't like coming over here. There's always so sort of freaky shit going on. It ain't normal. I'm leaving," Jefferson said and quickly left the room. Orpheus watched him leave and shook his head in irritation. He then returned his attention back to Dr. Venture.

"Dr. Venture...if I may suggest...you might want to take the boy to a psychiatrist. I can give you the phone number of one I know.." he said but was cut off by Venture.

"What, is he yours? 'Cause if he is, I think you should get your money back." Venture said with a snort, causing The Alchemist to chuckle a bit. Orpheus narrowed his eyes and was about to retort when Dean's groan interrupted him.

"What's going on? And why are my pants wet?" he asked groggily as he sat up and look questioningly at the three men.

"You wet yourself in your sleep, again!" Dr. Venture snapped, as he hauled the boy to his feet. "Now, go to your room." Dean cringed a bit at his tone and walked quickly out of the room. Venture let out a sight and glanced at Dr. Orpheus. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have work to do. You know the way out."

"Gee, rude much?" The Alchemist muttered as he and Orpheus left.

####

The two members of the Order of the Triad had just entered Dr. Orpheus study when a gasp of shock and outrage escaped from Orpheus. Alchemist, who had been rambling on about the pros and cons of buying a 'lab grown penis', stopped in mid sentence. The necromancer was shaking with barely suppressed rage, which The Alchemist thought was directed at him.

"If you want me to change the subject, all you have to do is ask," he said but Orpheus did hear him. He was off in his own little world.

"That man...referred to...my pumpkin...as...a hussy!" Orpheus muttered in a low, angry voice.

_'Took him long enough to pick up on that. Typical Orpheus,'_ The Alchemist thought as be made a hasty exit, knowing that a pissed off Orpheus was a dangerous.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

This one is based off of a line at the end of 'Home Is Where the Hate Is'. When I first heard it, I did a bit of a double take...even my husband asked me if he heard it right. Since then, this has been swirling around in my head.

I hope that I got the Triad's personalities down good. I don't like the ending too much; I think it cuts off to abruptly, but I didn't really know how to end it. If I come up with something, I may go back and change it later. Oh...whoever catches the Stephen King refference gets a cookie.


End file.
